I am completely convinced that our lives are the sum total of the choices we make every single day - large or small decisions - and because of that I want to share with you a checklist that I've used for quite some time now to insure that I will create a day of success.
Did I have a written plan for today? Will I follow my plan?
Have I told someone or shown someone that I loved them?
Did I read a book or listen to a tape that stimulated my thinking?
What will I do to increase my skills in my profession today?
What will I do today to increase my good health?
What will I not do today that hurts my health?
Have I reviewed my written Life Goals today? If so, am I closer than when I work up?
What will I do to build my discipline today? Anything tough or challenging?
What will I do today just for the pure joy of doing it?
Have I taken time to reflect on the lessons of the day today?
Have I written my plan for another successful day tomorrow?
I find that when I can answer "yes" to most (hopefully all) of these questions, then I have had a great day of uncommon successes. Remember that I am responsible for my results in life and I need to focus daily on accomplishing my goals and priorities.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
SHUT UP! DO I TALK TOO MUCH?
The younger generation today seem to enjoy expressing their disbelief by saying "Shut Up!" which as I understand it isn't really an order or suggestion but rather just an expression. That being said, it got me thinking about how many times I would be so much better off if I just followed that advise.
1. DIAGNOSING THE ISSUE.I seem to be the guy who always has to express my opinions about everything and everyone - and that is a HUGE problem. I do seem to have an opinion about everything and most everyone - to me that is the heart of my personal belief system and triggers my personal critical thinking. It is only when I start to share those thoughts and opinions (over share?) that I tend to create problems. Even worse is when I over share I also seem to choose not to listen to others opinions or thoughts.
2.SOLVING THE ISSUE.Now this seems simple but it really is quite difficult for an addict like me. I talk alot about shutting up, but that is really part of the problem because it is so hard to shut up. I enjoy sharing my ideas, opinions, and stories. However, when I reverse that thought I realize that others around me also want that same opportunity to express their feelings and to be listened to. Goes back to that old story about two ears and only one mouth - for a reason.
One question I have found that tends to help me with this situation is to ask myself frequently : What have I learned FROM this person in the past 5 minutes? If my answer is nothing then I need to shut up and ask a probing question - NOW.
Shutting up seems to be a self-moderating behavior and it is difficult.
3. THREE REASONS TO SHUT UP.
First - to build better relationships. When someone important says something to me do I immediately start thinking about how I agree or disagree? And then start spewing? Do I even become self aware of this poor habit? One cure is to count slowly to 10 before even starting to answer - this also allows the other person an opportunity to maybe finish the thought with a more complete explanation of their idea.
Second - When negotiating. Sometimes not talking at all can be a very powerful negotiating tactic. Silence is uncomfortable. When someone puts something on the table in a negotiation they expect you to respond - and maybe push back. If you remain silent instead after they put that something out there you are implying that you are not satisfied with the offer. The silence can get uncomfortable - but far less so for you since you are in control of it. Eventually the other party will likely fill that silence, and when they do, they will usually either rationalize their last point or at least give you more insight into their objectives or weak points. The best outcome is when they actually begin negotiating against themselves and put something better in front of you just to fill the silence. Try this sometime, you don't have to do it in a high risk situation but see how the other person reacts to silence. You may be surprised - I sure have been.
Third - You get smarter. Back to that old saying of two ears and one mouth - if you want others around you to think you are brilliant (more than you already are) just try silence. You also can't learn while you are talking - PERIOD - I've never met anyone who can transmit and receive at the same time, no matter how skilled they are at multi-tasking! When you stay in RECEIVE MODE you can learn many new things. One other thing I've discovered - when others get to share THEIR thoughts, ideas, and opinions they feel more important. And most of the time they tend to believe that YOU are exponentially more brilliant.
And on that note, I'm going to shut up now and follow my own advise - and invite YOU to talk by sharing your comments below.
Steve
1. DIAGNOSING THE ISSUE.I seem to be the guy who always has to express my opinions about everything and everyone - and that is a HUGE problem. I do seem to have an opinion about everything and most everyone - to me that is the heart of my personal belief system and triggers my personal critical thinking. It is only when I start to share those thoughts and opinions (over share?) that I tend to create problems. Even worse is when I over share I also seem to choose not to listen to others opinions or thoughts.
2.SOLVING THE ISSUE.Now this seems simple but it really is quite difficult for an addict like me. I talk alot about shutting up, but that is really part of the problem because it is so hard to shut up. I enjoy sharing my ideas, opinions, and stories. However, when I reverse that thought I realize that others around me also want that same opportunity to express their feelings and to be listened to. Goes back to that old story about two ears and only one mouth - for a reason.
One question I have found that tends to help me with this situation is to ask myself frequently : What have I learned FROM this person in the past 5 minutes? If my answer is nothing then I need to shut up and ask a probing question - NOW.
Shutting up seems to be a self-moderating behavior and it is difficult.
3. THREE REASONS TO SHUT UP.
First - to build better relationships. When someone important says something to me do I immediately start thinking about how I agree or disagree? And then start spewing? Do I even become self aware of this poor habit? One cure is to count slowly to 10 before even starting to answer - this also allows the other person an opportunity to maybe finish the thought with a more complete explanation of their idea.
Second - When negotiating. Sometimes not talking at all can be a very powerful negotiating tactic. Silence is uncomfortable. When someone puts something on the table in a negotiation they expect you to respond - and maybe push back. If you remain silent instead after they put that something out there you are implying that you are not satisfied with the offer. The silence can get uncomfortable - but far less so for you since you are in control of it. Eventually the other party will likely fill that silence, and when they do, they will usually either rationalize their last point or at least give you more insight into their objectives or weak points. The best outcome is when they actually begin negotiating against themselves and put something better in front of you just to fill the silence. Try this sometime, you don't have to do it in a high risk situation but see how the other person reacts to silence. You may be surprised - I sure have been.
Third - You get smarter. Back to that old saying of two ears and one mouth - if you want others around you to think you are brilliant (more than you already are) just try silence. You also can't learn while you are talking - PERIOD - I've never met anyone who can transmit and receive at the same time, no matter how skilled they are at multi-tasking! When you stay in RECEIVE MODE you can learn many new things. One other thing I've discovered - when others get to share THEIR thoughts, ideas, and opinions they feel more important. And most of the time they tend to believe that YOU are exponentially more brilliant.
And on that note, I'm going to shut up now and follow my own advise - and invite YOU to talk by sharing your comments below.
Steve
Monday, April 18, 2011
Fresh Start
It's spring - A time of fresh starts. Here in the South we have all sorts of new growth popping open and blooming for a new season. In the Christian religion this week also marks the start of Holy Week, another time of new beginning's and fresh starts.
I love this time of year, yes partly because of the weather (although I do dislike the pollen) but mostly because every single year I get a wonderful opportunity for a "DO OVER" or fresh start on those things that I just haven't gotten right during the past year. It doesn't seem to matter what you've done, or how badly you've blown it - spring is the time of year when everyone is open and receptive to new and fresh starts.
What is it in your world that you may need a "Fresh Start or a DO OVER" on? I know I have several projects that just haven't hit the mark I wanted them to, so I'm taking this opportunity to correct that and start again. Is your business model not producing the results you wanted? How about gaining control of your schedule? What activities have you focused on when you may not have had a real clear sense of the direction you need to be going? Can you change that now? One biggie for me is losing intense focus on certain of my priorities because I have "issues" saying NO to many items that come along and grab my attention. NOW is when I'm giving that up and taking personal responsibility and accountability for those results.
One other big problem for me is sometimes my attitude gets in the way (this probably never happens to you does it?) I want to take my long learned action mentality of NEVER GIVE UP, and continue to push it without stopping and evaluating or reflecting on what I am battling for. I very wise person told me just last week that I need to work on "Choosing my battles" better - I tend to burn a lot of energy and unnecessary capital on some small items that just aren't worth the efforts.
I recall something that someone else once said to me and left a deep impression on me: I can't control what happened in the past, but, If you give me a chance I promise you I will be personally available to assist you and help stop situations like that from happening again in the future. I believe that qualifies as a FRESH START. It definitely makes a positive difference in the outcomes that are touched.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
I love this time of year, yes partly because of the weather (although I do dislike the pollen) but mostly because every single year I get a wonderful opportunity for a "DO OVER" or fresh start on those things that I just haven't gotten right during the past year. It doesn't seem to matter what you've done, or how badly you've blown it - spring is the time of year when everyone is open and receptive to new and fresh starts.
What is it in your world that you may need a "Fresh Start or a DO OVER" on? I know I have several projects that just haven't hit the mark I wanted them to, so I'm taking this opportunity to correct that and start again. Is your business model not producing the results you wanted? How about gaining control of your schedule? What activities have you focused on when you may not have had a real clear sense of the direction you need to be going? Can you change that now? One biggie for me is losing intense focus on certain of my priorities because I have "issues" saying NO to many items that come along and grab my attention. NOW is when I'm giving that up and taking personal responsibility and accountability for those results.
One other big problem for me is sometimes my attitude gets in the way (this probably never happens to you does it?) I want to take my long learned action mentality of NEVER GIVE UP, and continue to push it without stopping and evaluating or reflecting on what I am battling for. I very wise person told me just last week that I need to work on "Choosing my battles" better - I tend to burn a lot of energy and unnecessary capital on some small items that just aren't worth the efforts.
I recall something that someone else once said to me and left a deep impression on me: I can't control what happened in the past, but, If you give me a chance I promise you I will be personally available to assist you and help stop situations like that from happening again in the future. I believe that qualifies as a FRESH START. It definitely makes a positive difference in the outcomes that are touched.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
Thursday, April 7, 2011
More on Legacy
Since my last post I've received several comments about my statement on leaving a legacy with your life, and especially with your children. After the comments I did a little further research and discovered:
*According to Barna Research, only 1 in 4 Americans even has a Life Philosophy. Now I find that interesting because I would have thought that less than 1 in 10 has a written Life Philosophy.
*Very few people have any notion about what kind of legacy they want to leave behind when they die, and those that do don't seem to understand HOW to create a legacy.
*Our culture today is obsessed with success, however we choose to define that word. We seem to assume that if we become really good at what we do then we will automatically earn the benefits and accolades that should come from or with success.
*Richard Halverson, former chaplain of the U.S. Senate, points out that our goal in life shouldn't be to just "be good," but rather to "be good for something."
*If that "something" is limited to just personal success, then our impact on the world around us will also be limited. To put this another way, don't confuse resume skills with leadership skills. And neither may be related to the world's definition of success.
The difference between your resume and your legacy is:
RESUME. - LEGACY
What you've accomplished. -What you've contributed.
The money you've made. - The difference you've made.
The impression you leave. -The impact you've had.
Self Improvement. -Helping to improve others.
What you've learned. -What you've taught.
Have you been just building a resume or preparing to leave a lasting legacy?
These are my thoughts, What are yours?
Steve
*According to Barna Research, only 1 in 4 Americans even has a Life Philosophy. Now I find that interesting because I would have thought that less than 1 in 10 has a written Life Philosophy.
*Very few people have any notion about what kind of legacy they want to leave behind when they die, and those that do don't seem to understand HOW to create a legacy.
*Our culture today is obsessed with success, however we choose to define that word. We seem to assume that if we become really good at what we do then we will automatically earn the benefits and accolades that should come from or with success.
*Richard Halverson, former chaplain of the U.S. Senate, points out that our goal in life shouldn't be to just "be good," but rather to "be good for something."
*If that "something" is limited to just personal success, then our impact on the world around us will also be limited. To put this another way, don't confuse resume skills with leadership skills. And neither may be related to the world's definition of success.
The difference between your resume and your legacy is:
RESUME. - LEGACY
What you've accomplished. -What you've contributed.
The money you've made. - The difference you've made.
The impression you leave. -The impact you've had.
Self Improvement. -Helping to improve others.
What you've learned. -What you've taught.
Have you been just building a resume or preparing to leave a lasting legacy?
These are my thoughts, What are yours?
Steve
Monday, April 4, 2011
FAME, FORTUNE, AND FAILURE. Where do you stand?
I've grown more sensitive to young children since becoming a Grandfather. It is very easy to review and watch what happens when you are so connected yet not really involved. I also have a daughter who is a school teacher and therefore enjoy following what grade school children have to say.
One grade school class had to write papers on "What's wrong with parents today." One child really said it all - "We get our parents so late in their lives that it is impossible to do anything with them." Parents, on the other hand, usually receive the children when they were only minutes old. The big question is: At what age will your children receive you? Allow me to explain please.
Most parents are prone to give their children everything except for the one thing that children need most: TIME. Time for listening, time for understanding, time for helping, time for guiding. Taking time away from your own concerns and focusing on those of your children sounds so simple, yet in reality it is absolutely the single most difficult and sacrificial task of parenthood. I freely admit, most women (Mothers) tend to have this skill much more than we men do.
What legacy do your want YOUR children to learn? How are YOU going to provide that legacy information to your children? The reason many people feel like a complete failure is that they fail to complete what they start or wanted to start but never did. This is especially true in parenting. Fame, Fortune, and Failure could be the title of many parenting books today. As we adults pursue the path of fame and fortune we ignore the needs of our families and that results in the ULTIMATE FAILURE - failure as a family member and parent.
Want to be different? Start today, it is not too late. Call a family council meeting this evening to evaluate ( with input from every single family member) on how you spend your time together as a family - and how often. This could be the single MOST IMPORTANT meeting of your entire life.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
One grade school class had to write papers on "What's wrong with parents today." One child really said it all - "We get our parents so late in their lives that it is impossible to do anything with them." Parents, on the other hand, usually receive the children when they were only minutes old. The big question is: At what age will your children receive you? Allow me to explain please.
Most parents are prone to give their children everything except for the one thing that children need most: TIME. Time for listening, time for understanding, time for helping, time for guiding. Taking time away from your own concerns and focusing on those of your children sounds so simple, yet in reality it is absolutely the single most difficult and sacrificial task of parenthood. I freely admit, most women (Mothers) tend to have this skill much more than we men do.
What legacy do your want YOUR children to learn? How are YOU going to provide that legacy information to your children? The reason many people feel like a complete failure is that they fail to complete what they start or wanted to start but never did. This is especially true in parenting. Fame, Fortune, and Failure could be the title of many parenting books today. As we adults pursue the path of fame and fortune we ignore the needs of our families and that results in the ULTIMATE FAILURE - failure as a family member and parent.
Want to be different? Start today, it is not too late. Call a family council meeting this evening to evaluate ( with input from every single family member) on how you spend your time together as a family - and how often. This could be the single MOST IMPORTANT meeting of your entire life.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
What is YOUR opinion?
Everyone has opinions, some are accurate while others are just unfounded (or misinformed) information. Currently many in our world are stating their opposition to nuclear power due to the situation in Japan - telling anyone who will listen about the dangers of that form of power generation over any and all others. How did they (or you) arrive at this opinion?
When you actually research the facts (http://nextbigfuture.com/2011/03/deaths-per-twh-by-energy-source.html) you discover that actually nuclear power is one of the safest methods of generating power. Now the question is: Did you know about this chart before you acquired your opinion or point of view? If so, how do the facts resonate with you? This chart really upsets many people, and they start to believe something MUST be wrong with it, because the nightly news media certainly point the exact opposite direction. I suggest that this information gives proof at how easy it is to fear the unknown and accept our current status quo.
In my opinion, anytime reality doesn't match your expectations, it means that marketing was involved. Perhaps it was advertising, or perhaps even story telling by an industry. We seem to hear various stories daily in our lives that we allow to pass as truth without questioning. It never ceases to amaze me how much marketing colors the way we see things in the world - or our reactions (either way) to what is being presented.
As so often happens to me, this reminds me of a quote I like: One's first step in wisdom is to question things - the next step is to come to terms with those things. This also brings me to something my grandfather taught me years ago as a child - "There is a limit to how smart someone can be, but no limits on how stupid." I believe it was Forrest Gump that coined the phrase "Stupid is as stupid does." and that goes for not questioning data when we receive it.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
When you actually research the facts (http://nextbigfuture.com/2011/03/deaths-per-twh-by-energy-source.html) you discover that actually nuclear power is one of the safest methods of generating power. Now the question is: Did you know about this chart before you acquired your opinion or point of view? If so, how do the facts resonate with you? This chart really upsets many people, and they start to believe something MUST be wrong with it, because the nightly news media certainly point the exact opposite direction. I suggest that this information gives proof at how easy it is to fear the unknown and accept our current status quo.
In my opinion, anytime reality doesn't match your expectations, it means that marketing was involved. Perhaps it was advertising, or perhaps even story telling by an industry. We seem to hear various stories daily in our lives that we allow to pass as truth without questioning. It never ceases to amaze me how much marketing colors the way we see things in the world - or our reactions (either way) to what is being presented.
As so often happens to me, this reminds me of a quote I like: One's first step in wisdom is to question things - the next step is to come to terms with those things. This also brings me to something my grandfather taught me years ago as a child - "There is a limit to how smart someone can be, but no limits on how stupid." I believe it was Forrest Gump that coined the phrase "Stupid is as stupid does." and that goes for not questioning data when we receive it.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
March Madness - I'm not talking basketball here!
It's amazing the different types of responses you can get when you attempt to talk to some people. I've always held the thought that if you want to HEAR (and maybe learn) you must cultivate an open mind. When you ask most folks if they feel they have an "open mind" you will most always hear - ABSOLUTELY. Then when you start to talk about something they tune you out or become totally disinterested in even listening. I suppose given today's times that concept (listening to others thoughts or opinions that may be different from yours) is considered old fashioned. I find myself wondering why so many folks today have such resistance to hearing something new or different? Could it be that they already have their minds made up about how "things" are or should be, and just don't want to "rock" their worlds? I don't know of anything much worse than the hardened soil of a closed mind!
What can cause this? I have several potential suggestions:
PRIDE - Sometimes our pride causes us to feel that we already know what's best. Nobody else could think of something "better" than what we did.
FEAR - We are sometimes afraid of what may be said or that we may learn, that we didn't consider earlier and it could possibly cause us difficulties in what we already know.
BITTERNESS - We are angry or bitter because someone else was (or is) smarter (or more educated on that subject) than we are and thought of this new or better way before we did.
This leads me to ask a very difficult question: Are you willing to go thru the next 10 years just as you did the last decade? If so, Why? Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and listen to some new data or thoughts? If not, Why not? (I know that was 2 questions but cut me some slack here - I'm rolling.)
I'm suggesting that for the Lenten Season this year instead of "giving up" something you consider adding something - and of course that "something" is - listening, really listening, to others viewpoints and consider what they may be advocating. Then actually DO something what what you just learned and see where it may lead you. It's during that "DOING" part that the fear factor seems to appear for most folks.
One of my favorite saying's is: It's what you learn after you "know it all" that really counts - and this statement is attributed to Harry S Truman. What is it today that you are absolutely positive that you "know it all" about that you're willing to listen to others with an open mind?
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
What can cause this? I have several potential suggestions:
PRIDE - Sometimes our pride causes us to feel that we already know what's best. Nobody else could think of something "better" than what we did.
FEAR - We are sometimes afraid of what may be said or that we may learn, that we didn't consider earlier and it could possibly cause us difficulties in what we already know.
BITTERNESS - We are angry or bitter because someone else was (or is) smarter (or more educated on that subject) than we are and thought of this new or better way before we did.
This leads me to ask a very difficult question: Are you willing to go thru the next 10 years just as you did the last decade? If so, Why? Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and listen to some new data or thoughts? If not, Why not? (I know that was 2 questions but cut me some slack here - I'm rolling.)
I'm suggesting that for the Lenten Season this year instead of "giving up" something you consider adding something - and of course that "something" is - listening, really listening, to others viewpoints and consider what they may be advocating. Then actually DO something what what you just learned and see where it may lead you. It's during that "DOING" part that the fear factor seems to appear for most folks.
One of my favorite saying's is: It's what you learn after you "know it all" that really counts - and this statement is attributed to Harry S Truman. What is it today that you are absolutely positive that you "know it all" about that you're willing to listen to others with an open mind?
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
Steve
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