SHUT UP! DO I TALK TOO MUCH?

The younger generation today seem to enjoy expressing their disbelief by saying "Shut Up!" which as I understand it isn't really an order or suggestion but rather just an expression. That being said, it got me thinking about how many times I would be so much better off if I just followed that advise.

1. DIAGNOSING THE ISSUE.I seem to be the guy who always has to express my opinions about everything and everyone - and that is a HUGE problem. I do seem to have an opinion about everything and most everyone - to me that is the heart of my personal belief system and triggers my personal critical thinking. It is only when I start to share those thoughts and opinions (over share?) that I tend to create problems. Even worse is when I over share I also seem to choose not to listen to others opinions or thoughts.

2.SOLVING THE ISSUE.Now this seems simple but it really is quite difficult for an addict like me. I talk alot about shutting up, but that is really part of the problem because it is so hard to shut up. I enjoy sharing my ideas, opinions, and stories. However, when I reverse that thought I realize that others around me also want that same opportunity to express their feelings and to be listened to. Goes back to that old story about two ears and only one mouth - for a reason.
One question I have found that tends to help me with this situation is to ask myself frequently : What have I learned FROM this person in the past 5 minutes? If my answer is nothing then I need to shut up and ask a probing question - NOW.
Shutting up seems to be a self-moderating behavior and it is difficult.

3. THREE REASONS TO SHUT UP.

First - to build better relationships. When someone important says something to me do I immediately start thinking about how I agree or disagree? And then start spewing? Do I even become self aware of this poor habit? One cure is to count slowly to 10 before even starting to answer - this also allows the other person an opportunity to maybe finish the thought with a more complete explanation of their idea.

Second - When negotiating. Sometimes not talking at all can be a very powerful negotiating tactic. Silence is uncomfortable. When someone puts something on the table in a negotiation they expect you to respond - and maybe push back. If you remain silent instead after they put that something out there you are implying that you are not satisfied with the offer. The silence can get uncomfortable - but far less so for you since you are in control of it. Eventually the other party will likely fill that silence, and when they do, they will usually either rationalize their last point or at least give you more insight into their objectives or weak points. The best outcome is when they actually begin negotiating against themselves and put something better in front of you just to fill the silence. Try this sometime, you don't have to do it in a high risk situation but see how the other person reacts to silence. You may be surprised - I sure have been.

Third - You get smarter. Back to that old saying of two ears and one mouth - if you want others around you to think you are brilliant (more than you already are) just try silence. You also can't learn while you are talking - PERIOD - I've never met anyone who can transmit and receive at the same time, no matter how skilled they are at multi-tasking! When you stay in RECEIVE MODE you can learn many new things. One other thing I've discovered - when others get to share THEIR thoughts, ideas, and opinions they feel more important. And most of the time they tend to believe that YOU are exponentially more brilliant.

And on that note, I'm going to shut up now and follow my own advise - and invite YOU to talk by sharing your comments below.

Steve